KING OF BP
Ladies and Geetles, Faithful Readers, Loyal Patrons;
I am pleased to announce that I have finally found my rightful role with Team Israel. It only took twenty years. It’s not idiot-superhero, despite popular opinion. It’s not even expert-reverse-golf-cart-operator. I am listed, for the 2026 World Baseball Classic, as batting practice pitcher. That’s right, batting practice, the game before the game, the derby, or the discipline, depending on who you are. Before I continue, let us quickly recount the various other jobs I’ve had for Team Israel…
2011 - Assistant Coach (European Championships)
2012 - Bullpen Catcher (WBC Qualifier)
2013-2016 - Short Stop and Executive Director
2017 - 1st Base Coach (World Baseball Classic)
2021 - 3rd Base Coach (Olympics)
2021-2025 - Manager (European Championships)
2023 - Bullpen Coach (World Baseball Classic)
2026 - Batting Practice Pitcher (World Baseball Classic)
Forever - The King of Jewish Baseball
BP pitcher is perfect because I get to be on the field and have no actual responsibility. My sister once said, “You do not like responsibility, but when you have it, you take it too seriously,” which is accurate. I already have enough on my plate as the Supreme Leader of the Jews to also worry about moving our left fielder two steps to play the flare only to have a guy hit a double over his head. It is too much for one man. It also helps that I throw money BP and have already been doing it for the team for years, title or not. After Big Nate Freiman put on a show before a game in the Tokyo Dome, our manager, Jerry Weinstein, said to me, “Fish, You can really give ‘em up,” which is also accurate.
So, at last, I have found the right job, or, it has found me-- I do not, after all, make these types of decisions. It is in the hands of the Great Spirit. My job, when the ancestors call, is simply to say yes.
See you on the field for BP. The vibes will be high and the ball flight will be clean.
.
I do have first hand experiential knowledge of your BP pitching expertise- 2011, 2017 and more!!
You learned the importance of the “L” screen at the Baptist Village and other high risk areas.
Nate’s agent was salivating with you serving up your Yiddish cookies in the Tokyo Dome- a comeback was almost in the works!!
Knock somebody done if you need to send a message!!
Keep having “Fun” - stay on the throne!!
Say hello to Assaf for me!!
Cheers
Pat
Fly me over if you need some relief. I can't claim royal lineage, but - in all due modesty - I'm probably still the best BP pitcher between the Nile and the Euphrates.