Ladies and Geetles, Fans and Followers, Esteemed Members of the Mob, exciting news. There may or may not be a crumpled cape laying lifeless in the passenger seat of my jazz carriage waiting to be draped across the shoulders of its rightful idiot super-hero owner, The King of All Jewish Baseball. That’s right, it’s time to dust off the velveteen cloak one… more… time.
What is the occasion deserving of such regalia? - You must be wondering. None other than THE FIELD OF SCHLEMIELS at Maimonides Park in Coney Island where Puerto Rican Hand Clappers and Russian Meat Slingers and West Indian Feather Shakers all make their joyful noise on the Boardwalk of Broken Dreams, and where, October 11th, the worlds’ finest comics, influencers, politicians, and entertainers will attempt to not pull all of their hamstrings in THE NAME OF LOVE. It’s a celebrity softball game fundraiser for Israel Baseball— Okay?
You are probably also asking, “WHAT IS A SCHLEMIEL?” and why have you not told us already? I speak ONLY Yiddish and use an earpiece that translates English to a little-known Slavic tongue that has no name then to Yiddish all in real time and I sometimes forget not everyone is using this INCREDIBLE TECHNOLOGY, so, I apologize. A “schlemiel”, if you must know, is a Yiddish term for a clumsy person who constantly makes mistakes. Just like there are thousands of names for “ice” in innuit languages, most Yiddish words actually mean this exact thing. In any case, it is called the Field of Schlemiels because though this group of exceptionally talented people who have elevated to the top of their respective fields may be, could be, how can I put this, ahem, might be, um, not the best athletes, perhaps.
Or maybe they are! We will find out. October 11. Maimonides Park. Coney Island. The comedy event of the newly crowned year 5787, FIELD OF SCHLEMIELS, coming to a town near you if you live under the boardwalk at Coney Island, which I presume you do.
As Penny Marshall and Cindy Williams, neither of whom, surprisingly, after a quick google search, were Jewish either in real life or in their fictional roles as Lavern and Shirley, once wisely said in the intro of their hit show prior to the theme music, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, Schlemiel, Schlimazel, Hasenpfeffer Incorporated,” which in Yiddish, means nothing, and means everything.
Cue the theme music…
We’re gonna make it
Give us any chance we’ll take it
Read us any rule we’ll break it
We’re gonna make our dreams come true
Doing it our way
Nothings gonna turn us back now
Straight ahead and on the track now
We’re gonna make our dreams come true
Doing it our way
There is nothing we won’t try
Never heard the word impossible
This time there’s no stopping us
We’re gonna make it
On your mark, get set, and go now
Got a dream and we just know now
We’re gonna make our dreams come true
And we’ll do it our way yes our way
Make all our dreams come true
And we’ll do it our way, yes our way
Make all our dreams come true for me and you
For me and you
Were gonna make it
Nothing’s gonna to turn us back now
Straight ahead and on the track now
We’re gonna make our dreams come true
Doing it our way
There is nothing we won’t try
Never heard the word impossible
This time there’s no stopping us
We’re gonna make it
On your mark, get set, and go now
Got a dream and we just know now
We’re gonna make that dream come true
And we’ll do it our way yes our way
Make all our dreams come true
And we’ll do it our way yes our way
Make all our dreams come true for me and you